That's So Gay

Lesbians have been around forever. There was even less of a stigma back then because women were completely comfortable with their bodies and being naked around each other. There just isn't proper documentation of it. Some people even say that Queen Victoria had a lesbian lover. Who knows. All I'm saying is that it isn't some disease or condition that has developed recently. It isn't a choice or a lifestyle preference. It is a sexual orientation that has existed since the dawn of time. We see homosexuality in countless animal species, but humans are the only species to exhibit homophobia. I don't want to sound preachy but if you're weird about lesbians just stop reading this post, and stop reading my blog altogether because I don't have the patience for someone like you.

I figured out I was bisexual when I was about seventeen. I'd always been attracted to them. My first kiss was in the fourth grade with my best female friend outside of the music classroom after school. There was something so delicately delicious about it, and it always stuck with me. I told another one of my friends about it and she completely freaked out, so I blocked out the memory of it for a long time. But one day years later I was sitting in the passenger seat of a friend's car, and I turned to stare at her. She was beautiful. She was singing along to the radio, the wind was whipping her hair around, and the sunlight accented her freckles. I reached out for her hand. It felt like an out of body experience-- I wasn't in control of my actions and I couldn't stop myself and I didn't want to stop myself. She traced her hand up my leg and we pulled over and fucked in the back of her car. I still remember that afternoon as the best orgasm I've ever had. It wasn't the first time I'd had sex with a woman, but it was the first time I fully enjoyed it. And it was all because in that moment prior in the car, I admitted to myself that I was a little gay.

After that I went on a frenzy. I didn't give up on men, but I definitely slept with a lot more women. It was this insatiable thirst. I couldn't get enough of them. I finally understood why men are so obsessed with having sex. There was no better feeling than peeling a woman's shirt off her body, tracing my fingertips over her milky skin, and kissing her for hours on end. You know when you watch lesbian porn and it's clearly filmed for the male viewer? Lesbian sex is nothing like that, at least in my experience. Even "female friendly" porn is a little too theatrical. First of all, short nails. Lesbians rarely have those long fake fingernails because A) ouch, that's going to hurt your partner, and B) there is such a thing as vaginal fluids that will get stuck under there. Oral sex between two women can take hours at a time, which is why it's so enjoyable. There is no "Yeah right there baby, make me come!" It is sweet and soft and really focused and intimate. I hate the word gentle, because yes, I've definitely had rough lesbian sex, but it is always delicate in a way. I wish there was a better way of explaining it.

Portia and Ellen- thank you. They are arguably the most famous lesbian couple on the planet, and they have eased the stigma surrounding lesbians. It's still a struggle, though. I grew up in a city where being gay was second only to being a democrat, and when people found out that I had started sleeping with women I actually lost a bunch of friends. It was rough. By the time I got to college I'd learned to hide it. But you can only keep your true nature under wraps for so long. College, of course, is the time to experiment, so most people thought it was just a phase. When I finally came out to my close friends and family, there were mixed reviews. Some of them had known for a while and were beyond happy for me. Some of them were shocked and are still, to this day, uncomfortable when I bring along another woman as a date to family functions or dinner parties. But ultimately everyone has come to accept it. It was really hard for my dad-- he's big on me getting married and having kids someday, so the idea of not having grandkids or his grandkids not being biologically related to him kind of weirds him out.

At the end of the day, though, I am out and proud and no, I'm not confused. It's not a phase. I'm not seeking attention. Accepting my bisexuality was one of the best things I've ever done for myself. It taught me how to love myself. I didn't realize how amaxing my own legs were until I admitted to the fact that I loved the feeling of my face being buried between another woman's.

xx,

Gemma