Going Bald

I don't know why men are attracted to completely hairless vaginas. There is something childlike about them and whenever I see one I automatically cringe. I can't watch porn if the girl is completely hairless, and I could never, ever have sex with woman who didn't at least have a landing strip or some stubble, or some sort of indicator that she has passed puberty. It creeps me out on a major level. However. It is the summer. I've been spending a lot of time in bikinis and short shorts. So I wax because it is simply the easiest, most conveninent method of dealing with hair removal. Do not shave. I used to. It was the worst mistake I've ever made. The hair comes back thicker and faster and you're more prone to ingrown hairs and the idea of taking a blade to my nether regions still makes me shudder. Sometimes I'll do a quick shave along the bikini line if it's short notice, but I try to shy away from it. It also exposes the follicle and you can easily get skin infections. No bueno. So I tried my hand at waxing a few years ago and haven't looked back since. There's something very empowering about rocking a completely smooth vagina, but I do tend to leave on a landing strip or a martini glass. But hey, you do you. It's all about personal preference.

Yes. I feel like the baddest bitch when I'm rocking a fresh bikini wax. Also, guys do tend to appreciate it. To directly quote one of my hook ups, "If you're rocking a bush it won't stop me from fucking you, but I definitely won't go down on you." It does seem like a fair trade. When I come across a guy who hasn't done his share of manscaping, I won't go down on him. I'm not a fan to begin with, and I'm even less inclined to want to do it if I run the risk of getting hair caught in my mouth. Yuck. So while I'd love to stick it to the man and say screw you society, I don't need to wax just because you said so, I do completely understand the appeal and hygiene of making sure everything is neat and clean.

I'm not going to lie, it hurts. Like a bitch. For this scene in The Forty Year Old Virgin, Seth Rogen told the lady to actually wax Steve Carell-- it was supposed to be added in later in post production-- so you know his reaction is real. Now, if chest hair is sensitive, just imagine how sensitive the hair is down there. But after the first few strips are pulled away, your body becomes numb to it. You'll still feel it, but you get used to the pain. Most aesthetisticians can complete a wax between fifteen and twenty minutes, so it'll go by quickly. It's good to talk to them-- just mindless small talk-- to help keep your mind off of the pain. And once you get into a regular routine with waxing (it's good to go every three to four weeks), the hair will grow back thinner and it won't hurt as much. Now, it is an expensive habit. In small towns I've paid a little as $35, but in bigger cities you can pay upwards of $120 at the nice places for a full Brazilian. However, it is very much worth the investment. Also, if you're on Groupon, a lot of places in cities put up specials in order to attract more customers. Just make sure to look up the specific locale on Yelp beforehand to make sure they have good reviews, but for the most part it is safe to use Groupon for waxing.

And once you start rocking the clean cut look down there, you will feel infinitely more confident because you won't be worried about whether or not your partner is bothered by it. Better safe than sorry in this case, my loves. Who knows, maybe once day you'll feel confident enough to fuck a Ferrari. Thank you Cameron for the single greatest sex scene with an inanimante object. Now all we have to do is work on our flexibility.

xx,

Gemma