Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater

Cheating is one of the worst things that can happen to a relationship, and yet you'd be surprised at how often it does. There's this horrible stigma of men being the little turds who can't keep it in their pants, but women cheat nearly just as much as men do. I think it''s part of the societal problem of monogamy-- humans are not meant to only be with one other person. We are animals after all. But we are also a step above animals because we have the ability to reason, and if we pledge faithfulness and commitment to one person, we should be able to stick with it. And yet, we rarely can. I've been a cheater, a cheatee, and the other woman. And none of those scenarios have ever worked out well for me. Let me give you a little backstory. My father cheated on my mother, on countless occasions, with countless women. I grew up watching a marriage and a family slowly disintegrate because of one person's choices. You would think that would have completely turned me off to cheating, but as they say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I am not making excuses for my behaviour or justifying it with my daddy issues. I'm simply giving you the entire backstory of my experiences with cheating.

The first time I cheated in a relationship was the product of a drunken evening with a friend. We were at a bar, my boyfriend was staying home, my friend and I had too much tequila, and I ended up going home with him. The sex was amazing. It was a no holds bar, all inhibitions gone, wild, erotic one night stand. I thoroughly enjoyed myself that night and to be honest, woke up with no regrets. That sounds terrible. I know. But I'm being honest. I never once thought about my boyfriend, and when it happened again I realized how unhappy I was in the relationship. I told him, fully expecting that it would end the relationship. Was I a complete pussy about it and taking the easy way out? Most definitely. But my plan backfired and he guilt tripped me into staying with him. I stuck around for another six months, and it was six months of "You cheated on me so it's your turn to walk the dog." Or "You know, when you don't want to make me dinner all I can do is picture you letting that guy fuck you." It was horribly manipulative and twisted and by the time I got out of the relationship I swore off cheating. Which is a hard promise to keep, but I've done it. I just didn't expect that the tables would turn and I would get cheated on in my next relationship. Karma. It figures.

My next relationship was a bit of a whirlwind. We would fight, and then fuck, and then fight, and fuck again. The sex was amazing and when we were good, we were great. But the fighting was just nonstop. Our friends didn't even want to be around us anymore. He ended things with me and I was heartbroken and I went on a binge drinking streak and I lost about thirty pounds and blah blah blah. Then one day (Christmas Eve, to be exact), he calls me and tells me that I should think about getting tested for herpes because the girl he had cheated on me with over Thanksgiving had just informed him that she had herpes. It was the worst Christmas Eve ever. The messed up part is that I wasn't even thinking about the potential STD. I was so upset about the cheating. I got tested and it came back negative, but it was a gut wrenching series of days where I flopped from bed to couch and back to bed, wallowing in my self pity. It turns out this other girl didn't have herpes, she was just a crazy pathological liar who wanted to get attention from him. But I don't think I'll ever forget the feeling in my stomach when I received that phone call, and I will forever associate Christmas Eve plum pudding with cheating. And potential herpes.

I didn't realize I was the other woman until after I had already cheated. The guilt was killing me. I met this guy, and he told me his girlfriend had just broken up with him, and he was all torn up about it, and I figured I might as well be the rebound girl-- I wasn't going to get anything else out of it. Two weeks later, I see him with the girlfriend. He swore they had just gotten back together, and it wasn't worth picking a fight with him so I let it slide. A year later she found out (because the creep had pulled pictures off of my Facebook page and saved them in his porn folder. Who even has a porn folder anymore these days?!) And confronted me. I gave her my side of the story but of course, there's no reasoning with an upset girlfriend, and if I was her in place I wouldn't have believed me either. As much as it wasn't my fault, it was one of the worst feelings in the world, and it burned a lot of bridges for me. These are three (very) condensed examples of what happens in the world of cheating. Don't do it. Seriously. If cheating is even a remote possibility for you, then maybe you need to reevaluate your relationship. It's not worth it. Trust me. I've been there. Don't do it.

xx,

Gemma